我爱我的妻子，我的妻子死了。

我爱我的妻子，我的妻子死了。
I Love My Wife, My Wife Is Dead (1946)

原始链接: https://www.bingqiangao.com/poetry/i-love-my-wife-my-wife-is-dead

这封信是作者在妻子达琳去世两年后写下的，非常私人，揭示了一个与深刻悲痛和持久爱意作斗争的人。作者坦白了长久的沉默，源于一种务实但最终有缺陷的信念，即没有她的存在，写作毫无意义。现在，他只是需要表达他对她的坚定爱慕。他难以理解对一个逝去之人的爱，却渴望继续关爱她并被她爱着。他哀悼失去的共同计划和她充满活力的精神，承认她才是他们冒险的动力。最令人心痛的是，他承认尽管渴望幸福，但没有人能与达琳相比——即使在她去世后，她仍然是他眼中唯一“真实”的人，他渴望她继续存在，即使这会成为他建立新关系的障碍。他无法与其他人建立联系，觉得他们与他心爱的妻子的记忆相比黯然失色。

一个黑客新闻的讨论围绕着1946年的电影《我爱我的妻子，我的妻子已死》，引发了对爱与失去的思考。话题很快转移到物理学家理查德·费曼的生活，他的第一任妻子阿琳于1945年去世。用户们争论费曼个人生活的背景，一些人最初暗示他有不忠行为。然而，其他人澄清阿琳在他们结婚时就已经身患绝症（肺结核），而他深爱着她。一位评论员指出，费曼后来的婚姻受到一些不寻常的原因影响——甚至是一个关于台球桌的梦！讨论强调了阿琳对费曼的深刻影响，一位用户认为后来的伴侣无法与之相比。提出了一个令人心痛的问题，即1945年8月写了多少类似的悲伤信件，反映了当时普遍的损失。

原文

October 17, 1946

D’Arline,

I adore you, sweetheart.

I know how much you like to hear that — but I don’t only write it because you like it — I write it because it makes me warm all over inside to write it to you.

It is such a terribly long time since I last wrote to you — almost two years but I know you’ll excuse me because you understand how I am, stubborn and realistic; and I thought there was no sense to writing.

But now I know my darling wife that it is right to do what I have delayed in doing, and that I have done so much in the past. I want to tell you I love you. I want to love you. I always will love you.

I find it hard to understand in my mind what it means to love you after you are dead — but I still want to comfort and take care of you — and I want you to love me and care for me. I want to have problems to discuss with you — I want to do little projects with you. I never thought until just now that we can do that. What should we do. We started to learn to make clothes together — or learn Chinese — or getting a movie projector. Can’t I do something now? No. I am alone without you and you were the “idea-woman” and general instigator of all our wild adventures.

When you were sick you worried because you could not give me something that you wanted to and thought I needed. You needn’t have worried. Just as I told you then there was no real need because I loved you in so many ways so much. And now it is clearly even more true — you can give me nothing now yet I love you so that you stand in my way of loving anyone else — but I want you to stand there. You, dead, are so much better than anyone else alive.

I know you will assure me that I am foolish and that you want me to have full happiness and don’t want to be in my way. I’ll bet you are surprised that I don’t even have a girlfriend (except you, sweetheart) after two years. But you can’t help it, darling, nor can I — I don’t understand it, for I have met many girls and very nice ones and I don’t want to remain alone — but in two or three meetings they all seem ashes. You only are left to me. You are real.

My darling wife, I do adore you.

I love my wife. My wife is dead.

Rich.

PS Please excuse my not mailing this — but I don’t know your new address.

我爱我的妻子，我的妻子死了。 I Love My Wife, My Wife Is Dead (1946)

我爱我的妻子，我的妻子死了。
I Love My Wife, My Wife Is Dead (1946)